Assalamualaikum, hi. One random day, I was just mengelamun like usual, staring at nothing, acting deep and then suddenly my brain said, “Eh, remember Kak Tasha?” And I was like… “Oh. Her.”
So here I am, writing about her.
Back in semester 1, when i was study in UUM, my roommate was a senior. She was in semester 3. Her name was Kak Tasha. She was nice. She was quiet. She was normal. But we were not close. Not enemies. Not awkward enemies. Just… two introverts sharing oxygen in the same room. She lived in her world. I lived in my world. We only communicated when necessary, like two NPCs.
“Kalau jalan kaki dari sini pergi DKG 5 jauh tak?”
“Tak.”
“Okay.”
End scene.
I was actually jealous of my friends. They had senior roommates yang masuk air. They could manja-manja, borrow skincare, kongsi duit for dobi, gossip at 2am, cry together. Meanwhile me? I had a senior roommate but felt like I was renting a bed next to a polite stranger. Nothing bad about her. We were both introverts. So our friendship level was… low battery mode.
Even though I was a junior, when I didn’t understand something, I never asked my roommate. Selagi boleh elak, saya elak bertanya soalan dekat Kak Tasha. I asked seniors from my course instead. Kakak abang MOTIC were my emotional support seniors. Shout out to Abang Am, Kak Hani, Azizi, Kak Khalida, Kak Mir, Kak Mira Alisa, Shukri, and all Abang Kakak MOT yang lain yang tak mampu saya mention nama. With them, I could be manja, loud, annoying, and over-sharing. But with my roommate… I suddenly jadi version sopan, reserved, textbook human. We slept in the same room, but emotionally we were in different continents.
Then one day happened. I had classes from morning until late afternoon. I came back around 5 pm. I opened the door… And I froze.
Her mattress kosong.
No pillow.
No blanket.
Her study table pun kosong.
I stood there like a drama queen. My brain started thinking wild things.
“Aik..she pindah?”
“No, she quit UUM?”
“Eh takkan she kahwin?”
Then I saw a small note on my study table: “Kak Tasha balik rumah, tak sihat.” That’s it. No emoji. No sorry. No explanation. Just like that. I was like, “Okay… mysterious queen.”
That night, she suddenly texted me. I asked if she was okay. Then she told me… She said she slept in the afternoon and felt something “tindih” her. I stared at my phone. Lama jugak lah diamkan diri. Inside my heart: Girl… malam ni jugak hang decide to tell me this?? I didn’t say much. I just opened YouTube, played surah, and pretended I was strong and fearless. Reality: I was scared like hell. That night, I slept with surah on loop, eyes half open, heart beating like EDM festival.
After 3 days, Kak Tasha came back. She looked a bit scared for a few days. But me? I was already in “malas nak takut” mode. Like… if I die, I die lah. Sebab those 3 days, saya tidur sorang-sorang nothing bad happened. Then one night, she suddenly said she couldn’t sleep. I was doing my assignment. She called me softly. She said she was scared. She cried. And suddenly, without thinking, I went to her bed, held her hand, and comforted her.
Mind you.
WE WERE NOT CLOSE.
But that night, I slept on the floor near her bed, holding her hand like we were in some K-drama trauma bonding scene. It was sweet… but also very awkward. Like, why are we holding hands suddenly?? Next morning, we went back to normal.
No hug.
No emotional talk.
No “thank you bestie”.
Just… back to NPC mode.
We were still not close. Still in our own bubbles. But after that, we became a bit more… human to each other. Sometimes she bought kuih for me. Sometimes we helped each other. Our connection only appeared when fear or problem existed.
Example?
One night, she was at her study table. I was on my bed. Suddenly I saw a cockroach near her wall. I am TERRIFIED of cockroaches. If there is one thing that can make me scream, cry, and lose dignity, it is lipas. That lipas walked. Slowly. Confidently. Like it paid rent. Then it climbed into Kak Tasha’s clothes. I screamed like I was in horror movie. Kak Tasha? Calm. Cool. Collected. She took a broom. Smacked the cockroach. Killed it. Meanwhile me? Crying on my bed like someone stole my soul. From that day, I respected her. Strong woman jugak dia nih!
Then came semester 2.
She was semester 4.
I was in semester 2.
And guess what?
We were still roommates. Same room. Same beds. Same awkward introvert energy. Padahal masa tu ramai student dapat tukar bilik, tukar roommate, tukar life. But me? Still with Kak Tasha. Ironi kan? Two people who were not close… still living together like destiny said, “No. You stay.” The drama was still the same. We were still not close. Still polite. Still quiet. Still living like background characters in each other’s life. Until… COVID decided to enter Malaysia like uninvited guest. I remember that day clearly. I was in class when suddenly rumours started spreading.
“UUM nak lockdown weh.”
“Eh serious ke?”
“Eh jom balik cepat balik cepat!”
Students panicked like there was free nasi lemak outside.
Me and my friends who were from the same hometown started emergency meeting. Bus or KTM? KTM Arau that time was FULL of humans. Not just UUM students, UITM, Politeknik, UniMAP, everyone camp there like festival. Make it short, Liyana said her abang could send us all back, but only the next morning. So that evening, after class, we went to Vmall to buy big bags to store our stuff. We walked like survivors preparing for apocalypse. After everything settled, I went back to my room to pack my things.
And guess what?
Kak Tasha…
Hilang.
Again.
This time, when I opened the door, not only her pillow was gone… Her mattress was already tersandar against the wall. Her rubber mat also gone. Her side of the room was EMPTY. Empty like museum after closing time. Only my things were there. Alone. Lonely. And like usual, she left a note. “Kak Tasha balik dulu, take care.”
That’s it.
No drama.
No goodbye hug.
No last conversation.
Just… gone.
Well at least dia cakap take care huhu.
I stood there like main character in sad drama. Then I texted my friends. They all laughed. Like, literally laughed. They asked me to sleep in their room that night since tomorrow we were supposed to go home. So I packed my bag, brought my pillow, ready to escape UUM. But life said, “No.” Exactly at 8 am, the big UUM gate was closed. No one could go out. No one could come in. Surprise. We spent our PKP inside UUM. Not at home. Not with family. But with mosquitoes, assignments, and emotional damage.
And that was the end of my roommate story with Kak Tasha.
After COVID, everything changed. When PKP ended, I only went back to UUM in semester 6. By that time, Kak Tasha was probably doing her internship already. Different phase. Different life. And we never met again.No accidental meet. No “eh awak dulu roommate saya kan?” moment. No closure scene. We just disappeared from each other’s life quietly. We lost contact. I don’t even have her number anymore.
The saddest part?
We don’t even have one photo together.
Not one.
Terlalu introvert sampai takda gambar selfie sekali :')
We lived in the same room. Shared fear. Shared silence. Shared cockroach trauma. But zero proof in gallery. Only memory. Sometimes I wonder…
Is she married now?
Is she working already?
Is she still scared of that thing that once “tindih” her?
Is she still calm when killing cockroaches?
I don’t know. But I hope she is doing fine. I hope she is happy. I hope life is kind to her. I hope she is loved. We were not close. But she was once my roommate. And somehow, that is already enough reason to miss her a little. Funny how life works. Some people stay forever. Some people stay only for one chapter. But even one chapter… Can still stay in your heart, quietly.
From a former roommate who still remembers,
Nadiera Hashim
2:30 a.m
Kedah, Malaysia.
