Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. Growing up, I lived with a lot of silence. I am the youngest in my family, the bongsu, so from a young age I learned that talking too much or sharing my thoughts was seen as kurang ajar. In my world, speaking up was not welcomed. So I stayed quiet. I kept everything inside, afraid of what people might say. Slowly, I lost my voice, covered by silence and self-doubt.

Since I was young, I learned an unspoken rule at home: speaking up means melawan. So I pushed my feelings away and kept my thoughts to myself. I was scared of being rejected or scolded if I spoke honestly. Heh, of course I pernah suarakan my own thoughts, but maybe its sounded rude, so i got penampar from my older brother. Since that day, silence became my shield. Bila diam, jauhkan diri dari semua orang, I felt safe.

As I grew older, the silence became heavier. I saw others speak confidently, sharing their opinions without fear, while I stayed in the background, trying not to be noticed. Fear of judgment made me stay quiet. I felt invisible in a world that only listens to people who speak.

Because of this silence, I struggled a lot. I found it hard to build deep connections with people. I felt stuck in a cycle of insecurity and passivity. Many chances passed me by because I didn’t believe in myself enough to try. My silence slowly became a wall between me and my own happiness.

Silence also makes it hard for me to let my emotions out. I’m not good at telling people how I feel. I’m used to simpan semuanya sendiri. Even when I’m hurting, I stay quiet and deal with everything alone. Sometimes it feels like nobody wants to listen to me anyway, so I choose not to talk. I used to send a message to my older siblings, telling them about my problems, but they end up blaming me. After that day, I just stopped texting them. In the family group chat, I became the quiet one, only replying bila benda tu penting.

That’s when I realized something, the loudest scream is the one that no one hears. What we see or hear from someone does not always show their real struggle. The deepest pain is often hidden in silence, where silence speaks the loudest. Maybe that’s the reason I talk a lot when I’m with my safe person. With them, I feel safe enough to be myself. I just hope I don’t annoy them, haha.