The end of July 2024 was a very painful time for me and my family. It was the time when we lost our beloved brother-in-law, the only one we had. His passing did not happen suddenly. It happened slowly over two weeks, through a series of difficult moments, and it ended in a way that left us heartbroken, full of grief, and with many unanswered questions.

Losing my brother-in-law left a deep wound in our family. His absence is still felt every day. It reminds us how fragile life is, and how important proper and timely medical care can be. As we remember him, we also remember the kindness he showed and the love he gave to everyone around him. His presence and impact will always stay in our hearts.

Abang was only a pinjaman Allah yang sangat singkat. Allah pinjamkan abang to kakak and our family for only 12 years. Semoga Mohd Hisham bin Johari ditempatkan dalam kalangan orang beriman. Semoga segala dosa arwah diampunkan, segala amalan diterima, dan darjatnya diangkat di sisi Allah. Semoga pemergian abang menjadi kerehatan sebenar dari urusan dunia. Semoga kuburnya diluaskan dan diterangkan, dimudahkan menjawab soalan di alam kubur, dilindungi dari azab kubur, dan semoga syurga menjadi tempat abang yang kekal.

Assalamualaikum, Ayah.

As the years go by, the ache in my heart for you only grows. July 24, 2006 feels so far away, but the memories of you are still clear in my mind. I was only seven years old when you left this world. Now, at 25, I miss you more than ever. I miss your warmth, your guidance, and your presence, Ayah.

I miss your voice, Ayah. It has been so long since I last heard you sing P. Ramlee songs to me before I fell asleep. Your voice felt like a lullaby, soft and calming, making me feel safe. Now, I listen to songs using my headphones, hoping to feel close to you again, but it never feels the same.

I will never forget the times we spent at the playground after your long days at work. Those memories are deeply written in my heart. Every time I pass by that place, rasa rindu datang tanpa amaran. I replay those moments again and again, wishing I could hold your hand and laugh with you one more time.

Living without you has not been easy. Life is full of naik dan turun, with many struggles along the way. There are days when I feel very lonely, when I wish you were here to guide me and give me advice. But even then, I carry your love inside me. It becomes my strength when everything feels dark.

Thank you, Ayah, for being the best father I could ever have. Even though our time together was short, your love has shaped my life in so many ways. I am proud to be your youngest daughter, and if given a choice, I would choose you as my father again, over and over.

I pray that Allah has placed you in tempat paling tenang, where you are at peace and free from pain. Until the day we meet again, please know that you are always in my thoughts and doa. I miss you deeply, Ayah, and I will always love you.

رَّبِّ اغْفِرْلِي وَلِوَالِدَيَّ وَارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيراً

Last year, on this date marked the beginning of a remarkable journey for me as I welcomed two furry companions into my life: Boba and Cengkih. As fate would have it, these two adorable felines, siblings bound by a shared lineage, became an integral part of my daily existence.

Boba, with his sleek tuxedo coat, and Cengkih, adorned in a vibrant orange merigold, captured my heart from the moment I laid eyes on them. It was through a fortuitous encounter on a Facebook group that I first learned of their existence. The owner, burdened by caring for six cats, sought to find them loving homes. Without hesitation, I knew Boba and Cengkih were meant to be mine. 

The decision to adopt Boba and Cengkih is not just a spontaneous desire but rather the culmination of a deep desire to provide a nurturing environment for furry companions. Having never embarked on a fully indoor pet ownership journey before, I was both excited and anxious about what lay ahead.

Cengkih, the gentle soul of the duo, embodies tranquility and grace in every aspect of his being. His soft meows, reminiscent of whispers in the wind, serve as gentle reminders of his presence. With a habitual liking for peaceful slumber, Cengkih finds solace in the warmth of shared beds, seeking comfort alongside me and mama. Despite my best efforts to engage him with toys, Cengkih remains indifferent, preferring the simplicity of quiet companionship over silly play. I can say Cengkih is very manja with me and mama but he hates hugging people but loves belly rub so much. 

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. I hope you are doing well. Have you watched Disney Tangled? A story about a girl named Rapunzel with long golden hair trapped by her evil 'mother' in the highest tower until she meets a man named Flynn Rider. When she is caged in the tower, she wonders, "When will my life begin?" She even has a song about it, a good one. I still remember the first time Tangled came out at the cinema in 3D, my kakak and abang took me to watch the movie with them. It is my all time favorite Disney movie.

Have you ever felt the same as Rapunzel? You sit and ponder, "When will my life begin?" 

You exist, obviously, but you are not truly living.

Do you get what I mean?

I wake up in the morning, scroll through my phone, take a bath, go to work or wherever, and then I come back home, take a bath again, scroll through my phone again until I fall asleep. And it repeats, over and over again.

I feel like Rapunzel, trapped in the highest tower by her cruel mother, forced to do the same things repeatedly. Except, in this situation, I am both Mother Gothel and Rapunzel.

Being a Rapunzel, I know there is life out there, something I long to see, but something within me is too afraid to venture out. Too afraid to discover if there is happiness on the other side of the road. Too afraid to break free from the routine that is so boring but in some twisted way feels comfortable. Or maybe too afraid to realize that all this time, I’ve been spending my youth unhappily, wasting it on something so mundane.

You see, sometimes, without even realizing it, we become like Mother Gothel, caging ourselves in. We know we’re not “exactly” happy.

We keep lying to ourselves, saying "this is enough for me." but is it really?

I already have the answer in my heart. 

Sometimes we try to protect ourselves too much, even from happiness. We rob ourselves of the potential happiness we could have. We feel content with just feeling “plain” every day.

What can we do then? I think the Rapunzel and Mother Gothel within us need a Flynn Rider, someone unafraid to take risks, to venture out into the world we long for, recklessly.

Till then. 

Like a unicorn, I'm off to spread magic elsewhere,
Nadiera Hashim
8:30pm
Kedah, Malaysia.

A reminder, Malaysian waste over 19,228 tonnes of food daily during Ramadan and the number annually increases. So lets practice moderation and sustainability. Buy only what you really need and don't forget to bring your own containers or bags. 

'Hidup ini warna warni, tidak mungkin hanya hitam putih saja. Jangan berharap selalu bahagia, jangan juga berpikir kesedihan akan selamanya.' 

So worry not, you'll be fine, you'll be good, Nadiera. 

Because life was hard back then, I decided to adopt a cat. I really want one. The last time I adopted a cat was when I was in high school. My cat, Mino was the last cat I adopted. After mino died, I was quite traumatized to adopt a cat. I don't think I'm strong enough to face another loss. But last year there was a feeling in my heart that said I needed to adopt at least one cat. So I decided to find any stray cat to adopt in the facebook group. Make it short, there was this one girl dm-ed me, she said she got 6 kittens & she couldn't take care of them. I went to her house, there were 6 kittens. Actually, if I were rich, I would adopt all of them. But I can't afford it. At first I only wanted to adopt one kitten, but my brother-in-law said to adopt two so that the kittens wouldn't feel lonely. 

Tuan Muda Boba & Tuan Muda Cengkih. The name I gave them. Both were born in April 2023. Both are male. The presence of both of them in this house has a very positive effect on me. Now there are Boba and Cengkih to be there for me. I have friends to play with, friends to sing with, friends to talk tk and friends to sleep with. I can see my mental health getting better day by day 🥰

Hardwork will never betray you.

Alhamdulillah for everything, ya Allah.