Assalamualaikum, everyone. 21 July 2026 is a date I think I will remember for a very long time, sebab on that day, we finally said it out loud. It started very simple. A, one of my friends at work, yang from the beginning suka panggil aku “kakak gangster” just because the way I walk katanya macam gangster sikit. Which honestly… rude, but okay maybe a tiny bit true. From strangers, we became friends, and then slowly, without realising it, we became that kind of friends. The ones who text every single day and call setiap malam, even when we don’t have anything important to talk about. Entah apa yang diborakkan pun tak tahu, but somehow it was always enough.
He was always there for me, and somewhere along the way, I realised I was always there for him too. And that’s when things started to feel different. It began as a joke. I called him “sayang,” and he called me “sayang” back. Simple, playful… but it lingered. When I found out he had broken up with his girlfriend, I thought maybe I should try my luck. Try the market sikit lah, mana tahu kan. But at the same time, I was insecure. In my head, it kept playing, “Know you got a small girl fantasy, baby would you still love me?” because I’m more like big laugh, big voice, big personality. Full package… but still overthinking everything.
Day by day, we got closer. I always teman dia makan, and one day he said, “Ingat kita ni ajak teman makan saja-saja ka, mesti la sebab nak kawan.” That sentence… felt heavier than it should. I remember blushing, wondering if there was something more behind it. Then one night, while I was on a WhatsApp call with him as he rode his motorbike home, I finally asked the question that had been sitting in my chest for so long. “Kita ni sebenarnya apa eh?” Because we were too close to just be friends, but too undefined to be anything else. And his answer? “Taktahu lah… tapi everytime hang rapat dengan lelaki lain aku jealous.” That should’ve been my answer already, but still… we continued like that. Teman tapi mesra. Comforting, but confusing.
Until 20 July 2026. As usual, we were on call, talking nonsense, even invited Ainun into the call just to gossip. Then randomly, I asked, “Ainun sayang akak tak?” She said yes. And I replied, “Akak pun sayang Ainun… A pun akak sayang.” And suddenly… everything went quiet. And the funniest part? I fell asleep right after that. Yes... confessed, and then tidur. They thought I was sulking, but I woke up because A kept calling me. When I answered, he asked, “Merajuk ka?” and I said, “Tak lah, tertidur.” Then he paused before asking, “Tadi masa kata sayang tu serious ka?”
This time, I didn’t joke. I didn’t run. I just said, “Yes, I’m serious.” And just like that, we confessed. No dramatic scene, no big moment. Just two people being honest at the same time. He told me he had started to have feelings for me too, and we talked the whole night until I didn’t sleep at all even though I had work the next morning. Still… it felt worth it.
After that night, we both made a quiet promise to not let anyone at work know about us. I respect his request, because maybe it has something to do with his past, maybe because his ex also came from the same workplace, and maybe he just didn’t want people talking or thinking badly about us. So we agreed, without much debate, that whatever this is… it will stay between us. And just like that, our relationship became something soft and hidden. A secret we both carry carefully, like it’s too fragile for the outside world.
Maybe this is what people call cinta. Not perfect, not planned. Just something that grows quietly until one day you realise it’s already there. So A, I really appreciate your feelings. Let’s hope we can go through this dengan aman damai, less confusion, more clarity. And maybe one day, we won’t have to ask “kita ni apa eh” anymore… because we’ll already know.
Love,
Nadiera Hashim
5.08 a.m
Kedah, Malaysia.
