I am still awake and thinking while listening to a random Relaxing sleep music, Fall into sleep and healing, peaceful piano music on youtube. The truth is, I never quite understand people who sleep easily. Sometimes,  I envy them. How I wish I can just shut myself down when I lie in bed. Don't they have thoughts? I wonder why I can't go to bed and just sleep. 

I don't understand why I have to think so hard about everything the moment I decide to sleep. I've got the worst case of 3am guilt trips and regret. Its when I lie in bed, awake, and I replay all things I did wrong. Sometimes,   I will teringat balik semua moments yang memalukan that I did when I was in sekolah rendah & sekolah menengah.  Sekolah menangah was 9 years ago. Gila! Belum kira lagi berapa banyak random things yang I always fikir berulang kali. Overthinking happens. Tch.

3am knows all my deep secrets, desires and fantasies. My regrets, failed relationships, disappointments and worries are not left behind. But 3am also knows all my happy moments, my family, my cats, friendships, happy fantasies, dreams and hopes too. 

These night muses will sometimes help clear mind or mash everything up further. Either way, it's all we have. Our own thoughts are our world, our home and our friend. 

Vanishing like a ninja in a smoke bomb,

Nadiera Hashim

3:26am

Kedah, Malaysia