Sometimes, the journey to finding happiness can feel like a quiet, winding path that stretches on without a clear destination. I often find myself reflecting on this, wondering if I’m truly enjoying the life I’m living. In the hustle and bustle of today’s world, where everyone seems to be racing towards their dreams, it’s easy to feel left behind. 

Right now, my life is simple. I avoid social media, don’t share updates about my day-to-day, and live in a slower pace compared to many of my university friends. It’s not that I don’t want to be part of their achievements, or that I don't feel proud of them. In fact, seeing my friends secure their dream jobs, buy their dream cars, or start their own families fills me with joy for them. But there’s a voice inside that sometimes whispers, “What about you?”

I know, in theory, that life isn’t a race. We all live on our own timeline, and comparing ourselves to others is rarely helpful. But, as much as I understand this in my mind, it doesn’t always settle my heart. The truth is, I sometimes feel jealous—not in a bitter way, but in a longing, almost wistful sense. I see the way my friends are stepping confidently into their futures, and I wonder when I’ll get that same sense of fulfillment. 

Currently, I’m helping my sister run her small café. After my brother-in-law passed away, I, along with my other family members, stepped in to assist Kaklong with her business. It's a quiet, meaningful job, and I enjoy it in so many ways. Helping her, seeing the café grow, and being there for my family has brought me a sense of purpose I didn’t expect. But even then, I occasionally ask myself: “Until when? When will I be able to pursue my own dreams, or step into a life that feels like my own?”

I think it's this uncertainty that sometimes weighs on me. I want to have a clearer vision of my future, just like the friends I see on social media or hear about at reunions. But sometimes, I feel lost, unsure of where to begin or what step to take next. 

Does this mean I’m not enjoying my life? Does it mean I’m unhappy?

Not necessarily. I can still find joy in the quiet moments, in the small victories of each day. Helping Kaklong, spending time with family, enjoying the simple things—there’s a lot of happiness in those small moments. But at the same time, I can’t deny that there’s a yearning for something more, something personal to me. I think it’s okay to have dreams, even if they seem far away or unclear. 

Maybe part of my struggle comes from wanting to have it all figured out, but life rarely works like that. Maybe I’m afraid that if I take my eyes off what others are doing, I’ll fall behind. But I’m slowly learning that it’s okay not to have it all planned. The future doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s. My dreams are still taking shape, and that’s okay.

The question I keep asking myself—“am I enjoying my life?”—isn’t one with an easy answer. There are days when I feel content, and others when I wonder if I should be doing more. But I’ve come to realize that enjoying life doesn’t always mean chasing big milestones or having all the answers. Sometimes, it’s just about being present and finding peace in the moment, even when the future feels uncertain.

For now, I’ll continue helping Kaklong, enjoy the moments of peace that come with a slow, intentional life, and trust that my path will reveal itself when the time is right. And maybe, just maybe, that is what enjoyment really looks like—embracing the journey, even when it doesn’t look like everyone else’s.